Postpartum Loneliness: a metamorphosing metaphor

The Very Lonely Mamapillar

by Sarah Szymanowski, LCMHCA

with appreciation and apologies to Eric Carle

In the light of the moon, a pregnant mama lay on a bed.

One Sunday morning, the warm sun came up and POP – out of the mama came a tiny, very loved baby.

The mama started to look for her village.

On Monday, she made one Facebook birth announcement post. But she was still lonely.

On Tuesday, she called two family members. But she was still lonely.

On Wednesday, she went on three different outings. But she was still lonely.

On Thursday, she texted four old friends. But she was still lonely.

On Friday, she followed five new mom influencers. But she was still lonely.

On Saturday, she went to one mommy yoga class, one family lunch, one storytime, one happy hour with coworkers, and one date with daddy. That night she was burned out.

The next day was Sunday again. The mama sat with her feelings and felt her loneliness. 

She built a small house around herself called a cocoon. She went to therapy. She went to an online support group. She nourished her body. She was honest with her inner circle. She asked for help. She accepted it. She slept. She stayed inside for as long as she wanted and needed.

Then she peeked her head out of her cocoon – and felt better. And she was, as she was always, a beautiful mama.

The beginning.

***

We all carry expectations while waiting for a baby about what it will look like. What it will feel like. How we will surround this child with a loving community.

And then it may come as a surprise how lonely and isolating early parenthood and postpartum can be. You have been plucked out of the life you knew and placed on your living room couch surrounded by spit up cloths and empty cans of La Croix, and your friends haven’t followed you there. Maybe you have friends and family checking in, but it doesn’t feel like the support you expected. Maybe you reach out, but the connection seems hollow. Maybe you immerse yourself in activities, but don’t find genuine friendship.

Allowing the space to feel and accept this loneliness may seem counterintuitive. But the acceptance of difficult feelings will then enable you to let go of disappointment, heal, and rebuild.

Unfortunately there is no instruction manual for building your village. To be honest, I am still figuring it out. We are all unique butterflies, and once the weight of loneliness lifts off of us we have the freedom to flit flower to flower while we figure it out.

If therapy could benefit your process, please reach out.  www.fermata-counseling.com/contact